Saturday, August 16, 2014

Bus Ride by Timmy

This is part two of a special two part post on Love Bytes Reviews

I’m really scared today, it’s been a long day already and it just turned 7am. I had to wake and deal with a family that doesn’t understand me. They say they do, and they say they will protect me, but they look at me different then the they do each other. They send me off into the world that doesn’t understand me. As I wait by my bus stop, my stomach ties itself into knots. I know what is coming, and I can see it in my mind. I daydream about the quietness of my room, and the safety I find there. I try to imagine that I’m still warm and safe in my bed, but it doesn’t work. I know that the minute that bus stops, I will be entering their world. I watch the bus coming up the street and steel myself for what is to come. As the bus stop grows busier I hide behind a tree. It’s not hard for me to hide, because I’m small and easily overlooked. 

When the bus stops I see all the kids running to get the good seats, which is easy because we are only the second stop. That means I have 12 more stops to sit through and 45 more minutes before I get to school. Most kids would think that was great. They have 45 minutes to hang out with their friends, but I don’t have friends. I have no one who will understand me and help me. As I enter the bus, I make eye contact with the driver. He gives me a little sneer and tells me to hurry up and be seated already. I immediately look down and try to hurry out of his sight. I have no ally there either. 

Because I am still looking at the floor, I see the foot that pops out. I wish I wasn’t hustling, because I can’t slow down in enough time to miss the foot. As I fall to the dirty wet aisle floor, I hear the laughing and insults they fling at me. I bite back my scream and tears. I work hard trying to get up in the small space, all the while wishing it hadn’t rained today. Now, I will have mud stains on the front of my clothes all day. 

I’m feeling lucky today, because there is an empty seat close to the front. Though the driver never helps me, at least the kids don’t hurt me as much if I’m in the front. Just as I begin to sit the driver hits the brakes hard, and I go flying across my seat and face-first into the window. “Retard!” I hear from more than one of the kids on the bus. It’s okay, I can handle this, I tell myself. Around this time the whispers start. I hear almost all of it because they don’t even try to whisper quietly. 

“He can’t understand, because he’s a retard.”

“What a stupid little kid! I don’t know why his parents keep him!” 

“I know his brother, he is nothing like it.”

“OMG! I think he touched me when he walked by! I hope I can’t catch what he has.”

It goes on and on, kids talking about me, like I can’t hear them. It hurts. There is this deep loneliness and sadness that I can’t make go away. Ever. I think about what they are saying and wonder why my parents keep someone like me around. I don’t even want to be around me. I disgust myself. I think if they were to send me away, I would understand. I feel sorry that I disgrace them like I do. I promise myself that I will try harder and work harder to be normal. 

At the 5th stop, my stomach clenches, because that means it’s Chris's stop. At the beginning of the school year Chris told me we could be friends. I was so proud of myself! I had a friend! It was the best thing that happened to me in my whole life! I wrote notes to him, and he talked to me. I thought he really understood me. We were going to be best friends forever! Then the real world caught up to me and showed me what friends did to each other. Chris had used all the notes and letters I wrote him and made a small crude looking book. He had pasted them all on papers and stapled them together. I guess he made copies because there were about 50 of these books going around school. He named the book, A Day in the Life of a Mute Retarded Gay Boy. There it was for everyone to see, in my own handwriting. They all knew I not only couldn’t talk, but that I was gay.

For some reason that I can’t fathom, the fact that I have a speech impediment meant I was also retarded. I believed this for many years, until one day I decided to look up the word. And this is what I found. 

Definition of RETARDED: 
slow or limited in intellectual or emotional development or academic progress

re·tard·ed
adjective \ri-ˈtärd-əd\ (Medical Dictionary)
Medical Definition of RETARDED
sometimes offensive : slow or limited in intellectual or emotional development : characterized by mental retardation

That did not resemble me or the problems I had but everyone, including my family, has told me that, yes, I am a retard. So I go with it. Who am I to argue? Besides I see kids calling other kids “retard” all the time. So, maybe it wasn’t a bad name? I tell myself this, but it still hurts when they say it to me. 

Anyway, it was Chris's stop and, any minute, I will be in my personal hell. I see his red hat first as he climbs the stairs. I loved that red hat. It used to be mine. It was the only gift I ever remembered getting from my dad. Chris took it about a week after his book went around school. I was so upset, I cried for hours that night. I still feel something crushing my heart when I see him wearing it. I thought I loved him. He was my hero. My first crush and my best and only friend. He knew how precious that hat was to me. Well, now the whole school knew it as well. It is a big joke and everyone laughs when they see him wearing my hat. And just like a rehearsed chorus, all the kids on the bus start laughing. I feel the tears beading up in my eyes, and quickly look down at my folded hands in my lap. 

I swallow back the vomit rising in my throat, when I feel his arm come around my shoulder. He knows I can’t handle being touched. He does this to see if he can make me vomit today, as I have in the past. I wish I had the nerve to vomit on him, but he warned me what would happen if I did that. Not to mention, the bus driver who allowed this to continue always made me clean up my vomit. So, I was humiliated for being bullied.

At this time we have 28 minutes left on the bus. By the time I had made it to school, I was numb. I moved on autopilot and had turned my brain and emotions off to protect myself. I’m assuming this is where people get the impression that I am retarded in some way, but what I’m really doing is trying to survive. And now the easiest part of the day is done and it’s time for the real hard stuff, I must live through another day at school.



I want you to do something for me. I want you to go back and read this again. Only, this time, I want you to use yourself as the “I” in this story. Then think hard of all the times that you were one of those people laughing and calling names. Most people won’t admit to being one of them, but at some time during your life, you will have laughed, sneered, or made someone less fortunate than you feel low. Just because they can’t speak for themselves (for whatever reasons) doesn’t mean that they can’t be hurt. 

The moral of this story: Kids are mean, and they grow up to teach their kids to be mean. If any of the kids on this bus stood up to these bullies, maybe I wouldn’t have spent hours thinking that ending my life would be better than going to school the next day. Teach your kids not to hurt others. Explain to them what the words they say mean. It may be “just a joke” to them, but it is a hurtful thing to the people who feel that the words represent what they really are. Tell them that laughing at what the bullies do only encourages them to continue and do worse. HELP the kids like me by teaching your kids about people with differences. Talk to their teachers and find out if they are bullies. Take the time to get to know the kids they hang out with. KNOW what your child is up to in school.

This is one of my true stories. Thanks for reading it. ~Timmy

Special thanks to Billy Gilman and Rictor Riolo for retweeting this post!

NEWS FLASH!!!

This story inspired Liliana Li's artwork for the You Will Rise Project and a "Stop the Bullying" meme for Unity Against Bullying Day created by Timmy from Anna Lund's artwork. This meme took on a life of its own on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and Pinterest and became the profile picture for many. Take a look at the wonderful merchandise you can purchase to support the You Will Rise Project and join us in our fight to stop bullying.

               

All content ©2014 Timmy Ashton. All Rights Reserved.
We hold no interest in or claim to the copyright(s) for 

You Will Rise Project or Unity Against Bullying Day

75 comments:

  1. Timmy, I'm so sorry that you had to endure that. You're right, some people are cruel. Even the kids who sat there watching... I hope that my kids and I can stand up when we see bullying. I hope we can be as brave as you. And you're right, we do need to keep talking about this with our children. Keep reminding us. Thank you with my whole heart.

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    1. Thanks Kari, this was a hard thing to write, but I hope people learn from what I and many others have to live through.
      <3 Timmy

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  2. Oh, sweet Timmy no one should ever have to go through that and it makes me profoundly sad that you were put through such horrible things. I think it takes a huge amount of courage to talk about it, and it does need to be talked about. We all know that bullying is wrong, but it is rare that we get to hear first hand exactly how devastating it can be. Thank you for writing this, I know it had to be extremely difficult. You are my hero.






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    1. It was very difficult to write, and it cause many memories to come back. But to me, it's worth it, if it helps someone like me. I hope that by people reading this, they will talk to their kids. Maybe even have them read this, so the next time those kids see someone being "teased" they will stand up for the kid, or at the very least not give the bully what he wants by laughing.
      <3 Timmy

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  3. Timmy this was very hard to read, I can not even imagine how hard it was for you to write let alone endure. My children are grown but I hope I have instilled in them that no one should be bullied or made to feel less. It is everyone's responsibility to help in any way we can. Thank you for sharing a painful part of your past to help others. I personally don't know you, only online through your posts and reviews, but you are a special young man. You have a way with words I wish I had and you draw wonderfully. It is a pleasure to get to know you.

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    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to read it. As hard as it was to write, the fact that you take the time to read it, makes it worth it to me.
      <3 Timmy

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  4. Timmy, this was a hard read. I cannot even imagine how it must have been to live through that. And to still have the strength to write about it? You are amazing, my dear friend. Amazing.

    The way you make people smile everyday is astounding. Thank you for existing. You make it all SO MUCH BETTER.

    I am proud of you, and proud to be your friend.

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    1. It's because of you Peeps that I have the courage to write these posts. Thanks for being so strong in the beginning when I wasn't strong enough yet to stand on my own. And Thank you for continuing to be strong on the days I feel weak.

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    2. Always here for you, always.

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  5. Timmy words can not express how much I admire you. You have shown us all how strong you really are. All those bullies think they are so tough, but this just goes to show how weak they really are. Sadly for them it's only in hindsight that they will come to see that for themselves. All those that sat sniggering, some probably out of fear, will one day maybe have to listen to their own child cry because of a bully. Then it will hit them when they ask why no one helped.

    But I believe with people like you in this world the next generations will be putting a stop to this kind of thing, slowly but surely <3 LYT <3

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    1. I hope by the time they have kids the bullying is not so bad in school, but that is not very realistic. There will always be some bullies and some teasing, but I would be happy to see it get to the point where it's not killing teens.
      <3 Timmy

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  6. Timmy, I was very sorry to read your story. You kind of expect kids to be stupid and insensitive, but where are the adults? That part is truly unforgivable. I wish I could ride with you on the school bus. I would put an end to the bullying. Very quickly.

    I know it is rough, but you are so much better than those miserable brats. it will get better. You will have a great life and eventually find a great guy of your own. Those kids are insects, not worthy of your attention or even your hate. Ignore them as best you can.

    Andy

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    1. Thank you for you kind words, Andy. It has gotten better. I am still teased and had a few really bad days in school last year, but I have a family now that does help me. I have siblings now that do not just stand there and laugh. They step up to the bullies and put a stop to the situation. That doesn't cure all the problems, but I don't feel alone anymore.
      <3 Timmy

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  7. Timmy: be assured that you are making a difference in this world. You are so brave and so strong- a true inspiration. I'm sorry you had to endure this :( If you ever need anything give me a shout. (((Hugs))) <3

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    1. Thank you Lili! I hope I am making a difference. Thank you for being my friend.
      <3 Timmy

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    2. It's I who should thank you. You're true inspiration Timmy. <3

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  8. I read this and then reread it and I read it again. And each time I read it, I found I have no words to express how sad it makes me feel. Sad for the victims of bullying and the hell they have to endure EVERY DAY. Sad for the bullies because their soul is such a dark place that they can't seem to find any beauty within themselves so the recourse they CHOOSE is to try to quash the beauty in others. And sad for the bystanders because they have no clue of the world they are creating, not only for themselves but for their future children, by their failure to stand up against the bullies.

    Thank you for sharing this with us. I know how difficult it must have been to show us a very painful part of your life. Never question the impact you have made in this battle. By pulling down that curtain the bullies hide behind and showing the effect they have on their victims, you inspire people to take action in ways you may never fully know. I'm so proud of you for having the courage to take a stand. And just know that you no longer stand alone. Mel

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    1. Love you Mel! It's the courage I get from you guys that makes me strong enough to write these stories. It is hard to write them, but I know I have my family and friends to turn to when the memories get to be too much to bare. Thank you for that.
      <3 Timmy

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  9. I read your post this morning and now I still tear up. I'm glad your new family advocates for you and you have Cody and all of us who respect and adore you. I know when you're being bullied the instinct is to fold into yourself. I hope you hold your head up, not to look at anyone, but to show you can't be beaten. Karma will take care of those who hurt you. I know it seems to take forever lol! Lastly, living well is the best revenge. You're so smart and funny. Just keep being brilliant you. Love and big ((hugs))

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  10. Thank you Mary. It means a lot to me to know I have people in my life now that care.
    <3 Timmy

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  11. Thank you for sharing this, Timmy. The strength and courage it took to not only endure this but to share it with us is inspiring. As I get to know you through your posts, I see what an amazing young man you are. I ham very happy that you have some supportive people in your life now.

    Please keep sharing your stories because they do make a difference. YOU being in the world makes a difference.

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    1. That's so sweet Lynette. I'm glad I can make a difference, even just a small difference.
      <3 Timmy

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  12. I read your post with increasing sadness and anger on your behalf and on behalf of all the kids still being bullied. I have 3 very young grandchildren and my biggest fear is that any one of them is bullied. Not that they would bully their parents will see to that, and if they don't I certainly will! I cried reading your account and am so glad that things are improving for you with your new family.

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    1. Thanks Elayne. I hope your grandchildren don't ever have to feel the way I did and sometimes still do. Teach them about people with differences, help them to understand that we have feelings too. I believe some people just don't understand, and they fear what they don't understand.
      <3 Timmy

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  13. You make me proud to call you my friend every single day. You are the bravest person I know, and your heart is huge. Thank you so much for sharing your words, and your story, and making me want to be a better person every day. I will continue to do the best I can to teach my children to be human and kind and thoughtful. <3

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    1. You are a great friend and mom, I have no doubt your kids will be very caring as well.
      <3 Timmy

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  14. I have no words, dear friend, other than these. Every moment you are here with us makes me realize how intelligent, beautiful and gifted you are. You are a survivor--and I am so proud to be your friend! So very proud of you, Timmy.

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    1. I'm proud to be your friend too! Thank you for all your support.
      <3 Timmy

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  15. Timmy, you are the bravest person I know. Instead of hiding your pain, you step up and share your stories with the hope of making the world a better place for all of us. You truly are an inspiration and I couldn't be more proud of you. I'm so glad you're with people who care about you now, and never ever feel alone again. We're always here for you. Big hugs.

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    1. Thank you Dianne. All the support I get from you guys is what helps to not hide.
      <3 Timmy

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  16. I couldn't tell if it posted my comment, so hopefully this won't be a double posting...

    Timmy, the bullying I endured was nowhere near what you and so many others endured during my school years, and it lessened in high school. Elementary and junior high were a hell that I couldn't always fathom. I was the fat girl who wore glasses, and I was shy and always had my nose in a book. In junior high, I began to write stories on notebook paper, and so the older kids would tease me about that, too. I wasn't quite on the level of Marty McFly's dad in the Back to the Future series, but I was a nerd before it was cool to be one. I can identify with the bus ride you described, just with different words and gods, I wish that kids didn't have to deal with what they deal with today. I will say that I try to be as vocal as I can about spoken words in my job, and that I do not allow people to demean others while I am in charge of my shift.

    You are a beautiful person, Timmy. I love that you share your light with the world, and I feel honored that you've trusted us with your shadows, too, but remember, they are shadows and by nature, cannot exist where there is light. You and Cody are bright lights, ones I am so jazzed to know. I look forward to you two's words each day, and it is your twin suns that remind me that there are good people in the world.

    With that, (and yes, this pun is intended), STAY SHINY! :D

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    1. M LeAnne, I think it's hard for every person to endure bullying. It doesn't matter how severe or not, the bullying is. It's great that you were able to over come it, and I hope to follow in your footsteps. Thanks so my for the kind words. Cody is really the light and I have followed his light to help get out of the darkness.
      <3 Timmy

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    2. I believe in you, Timmy, and as you can tell by those who surround you with love, many others do, too. You are not alone, and we will see you through to the end of your journey. Like Frodo, one of my heroes, Timmy, you've gone through some unspeakable experiences, what I'd call your own personal Mordor, you've been taken to the Healing Houses and you're on the road home. The sun is shining brightly (your Cody), and everything around you is green and good. I like to think that while Frodo never forgot what happened to him, as I am sure that you won't, it made the life around him at home just that much more precious, that much sweeter.

      Just my two cents, sweet Timmy. <3

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    3. <3 You are the sweetest.
      <3 Timmy

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  17. Timmy, this broke my heart and had me in tears! My own experience with childhood bullies pales in comparison, so I'm so very glad you're in a much better place today (in all respects).

    Your talents and gifts are amazing and truly awe-inspiring! Keep spreading your Timmy-sparkle and know that it reaches far and wide. {{{Hugs}}}

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    1. There is no paling in comparison, if you ask me. Any form of bullying to any extent is hard to deal with. Nobody likes being teased and bullied. I'm glad this has reached far and wide, because it means more people are aware of the effects bullying has on other people.
      <3 Timmy

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  18. Timmy, you're one of the bravest kids I know, thanks for sharing with us this hard experience. Even not having kids, you and Cody inspired me to try and make a difference in this ( many times hard place to live) world. So if I can help to open the eyes of even one person or give a kind word to some hurt, depressed kid, I'll consider my day a fulfilled one. Thanks for being my friend. Lots of love to you <3

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    1. There have been many day's that you have brightened up my day, I would say you have done a great job helping a kid in need. Thank you for being my friend Claudia.
      <3 Timmy

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    2. Talking to you always brighten my day Timmy <3

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  19. Timmy:

    You are so very brave! I know sharing your experiences must be so hard but I am sure it will help someone feel like they're not alone. I will do my best to remind myself and others to be kind, always. Thank you for being such an inspiration.

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    1. Thank you for reading it, and for taking the message to heart. It's not a story for shock value, it's about people understanding what we deal with when it comes to Bullying.
      <3 Timmy

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  20. My dear Timmy....I have not wept that hard in a very long time. You have touched me sooo deeply I hardly have words to describe it. I am writing you to ask your permission to share this will all the staff at the school where I teach and with the students in my classroom. You have written your story in such an amazingly powerful way, they need to hear it from you, not from me. I shared a bit of your story with my principal this morning and wept again as told him about you. He was also moved and thought it would be a powerful reminder of what some of our students go through before they even enter our classrooms in the morning. Thank you, Timmy. Knowing you and hearing your story will make me a better teacher and hopefully touch the hearts of our whole school!!

    Liz Ess
    (SraeLizEss from Facebook)

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    1. I had to get permission for you to use this post. As long as you give credit to Timmy Ashton, then there is no problem with you sharing it. I hope the message in the story helps the kid to understand that they are not alone, and that they should treat everyone as they would want to be treated.
      <3 Timmy

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    2. I most definitely will credit Timmy!! Thank you! I know it will touch hearts!

      Liz

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    3. Thank you for being such a caring person.
      <3 Timmy

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  21. Timmy, so much of your story hit me hard. I didn't have a speech impediment, and I"m not gay, I don't know what I did to earn their scorn, but I can remember the tortures put on kids in school especially on the school bus. It always seemed worse there, in the small contained space. I fell victim to the foot in the aisle, no one wanting to let me sit next to them. I'm sure at some point I probably picked on someone weaker only because I feared being the weakest. In that move it probably showed I was. I know I learned from my time on the bus, after surviving the worst years in junior high.
    It scares me now that both my kids take the bus to school. I try my best to hope they know they are loved so much so that even if they face those challenges in their childhood that they have a safe place at home, a place where those things can't touch them, where the hurts might fade away. I also teach them not to react in the same way to others as an outlet for their anger lest they become the bullies one day.
    It scares me even more because my son would fall into the definition of retarded, in a special education class, but at least his bus is full of kids like him. I hate that word though, for all the negativity it implies. It is used only when making fun of someone or bullying them, like they did with you. It's horrible you had to go through all that. I thank you for sharing your story, I know it isn't easy to talk about those things.

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    1. Hi Danapiazzi, thanks so much for reading this and commenting with a little of your story. I have a few things to add if you don't mind.
      First and foremost, I want to point out that your kids already have a better life then most kids, because like me (before being adopted) most kids don't have a safe place to go too. It really will make a difference to them.
      Second, if your son is bullied, be sure he understands the words they call him and if they apply to him, explain to him it's that the other kids don't understand him, and people are scared of what they don't understand. Best way to teach him that would be a cartoon, Monsters from Disney. I say that because this story tells of the monsters being afraid of humans out of fear of the unknown and because someone said they should. Peer-pressure is a strong motive for bullying.
      Lastly, the word retarded is not a bad word, it's the way the word is used and by whom it is used that needs some work. I recommend educating the kids your son goes to school with about what it means and the struggles your son faces (not counting the bullying). This may seem unfair, but it is your job to keep him safe even at school. Last year was one of my best years, not because I wasn't bullied, (because I was) but because my mom went in there and made sure the people involved were either educated about my problem, or punished for abusing me. Even if it didn't fix the problem, I felt loved for the first time in my life.
      Good Luck to you and your family.
      <3 Timmy

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  22. I'm sorry I missed this when it was originally posted, so thank you for reposting the link on Facebook, Cody.

    Timmy, the strength and courage you continue to show when you write about your experiences continues to astound and inspire me. Your beautiful heart makes this world a better place simply by you being in it, and when you choose to share your story so that others will not feel so alone, you change the world that little bit more for the better. Cody's light may be the one you have followed, but never doubt your own beautiful soul is shining a light all of its own.

    Your words have also given me pause for thought in how I think of others sometimes.

    I am glad you now have the loving and supportive family you should have always had. That you are now surrounded by love from all of us as well, and that you have people who would do anything they can to keep you protected and defend against those who wish you harm. Your willingness to stand up for those who are still defenceless, enduring what you did, is nothing short of amazing. So very proud of you <3

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    1. You don't need to be sorry about missing it. I understand everyone has such busy lives. I am more grateful that I have time to spend with you guys on FB. Your words mean a lot to me. Thank you.
      <3 Timmy

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  23. I am also so sorry that I didn't see this posting in its original time slot. I try extra hard to never miss any of your postings because you are such a shining example of the Triumph of Love! I so wish many of my teens had your Cody light to follow. My daughters & granddaughters were raised to be protectors & they did get bullying stopped on their school bus & in their schools. I am as proud of them as I am of you. Let me tell you they were as afraid as you were to be the only person to stand up & say STOP! By telling your story ... hopefully there will never be a need to say STOP! You have my utmost respect & unconditional Love. You are the reason I taught my family to be as brave as you & say STOP! Love you & Cody & your family from Alaska

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    1. Ann, don't stress yourself about trying to keep up with my writings. I love my FB time with you more. If you ever wonder all my Stuff is put here, and you could subscribe to Cody's blog. Then you will get emails. However, every 17th either Cody or I write something. :D

      I'm so glad your daughters and granddaughters had such a great role model. You helped to make the world a better place.
      <3 Timmy

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  24. Aloha Timmy,

    Wow... I am blown away by your emotional intelligence, your story. The level of atrocity from other people. Kids can be such mean little brutes sometimes. Bullying has always made my skin crawl. I am so sorry that you have had to go through this... Your story has left me slightly speechless. Aren't you amazing. You're one of the worlds special people. Someone out of the ordinary in a very good way. I am deeply touched by your story.

    I am so glad you wrote it, continue to speak out and have a new family and surroundings. I think you're absolutely amazing!!! I really do. Be kind to you. People like you are extremely important in this world. You won't probably realize how much now... but you're important. Being unique is a gift to the world.

    Aloha and care Meg Amor : -)

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    1. Thank you so much Meg. I am in a better place now, but the bullying has not quit all together. I can deal better now that I have people that help support me.
      <3 Timmy

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    2. Ahhhh.... I'm sorry. That really does suck big rocks. I need to be good and not be a New Zealander, swearing viciously, but you can probably imagine what I am saying about bullies at the moment. They make my blood boil. I wish there was something I could do, all of us, so you don't have to deal with that anymore.

      Hugs and care to you. People are afraid of what they don't know... but that is no excuse... <3 <3

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    3. The support you all give me helps me to hold my head up and allow what they say to slide off me. You do help me. <3
      Timmy

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  25. I was one of those kids...the ones who couldn't trust people's motivations for friendship, because it was usually a prelude to some sort of elaborate joke. I would get up early and catch the bus in the dark so I would be the first one on and I'd sit in the very back and be the last one off. When I was bullied, my mom said it was my fault, but I didn't talk to people. It started early in first grade. I was dealing with gender issues even then and abuses I kept secret. I wondered if they could tell what was happening and that's why they didn't like me. To this day, I still don't understand. Stay strong. I'm sorry you had to go through that kind of childhood. I was deaf, so I was loud, and maybe that had something to with it to, but as the youngest, I spent a lot of time alone. My brother and sister were older by a lot and didn't like me. Alone is where they get you. My siblings didn't protect me, they joined in...anyway, it's hard to not have suicidal thoughts in that environment, but life is better than the alternative.
    Stay strong. Hugs.
    Mikey

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    1. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I would never wish it on anyone, not even my abusers. Because that would make me no better than them. I'm glad I have people like you that has survived this life and can give me hope. Thank you.
      <3 Timmy

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  26. Aloha Timmy and MIkey,

    Jeez Mike, every time I hear another of your childhood I sit here in stunned silence. Awful. Timmy, Mikey is my writing buddy and friend. She encouraged me to be the writer I am today. Without her, I wouldn't even be published. :-) She is an amazing writer! And tells incredibly deep, powerful, gritty stories that stay with you. Like your own story. I wish you both hadn't had to go through that to have a story... meant in the nicest possible way.

    Hugs and much care Meg Amor :-) <3

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    1. It's nice to meet you Mike! (Is that the name you go by?) I will hopeful be able to read something of yours one day. Depending on what the story is about, it may have to wait until I'm older. I hope to read your's as well Meg!
      <3 Timmy

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  27. I want to write a YA, but right now my books aren't kid friendly. Yes, call me Mike or Mikey, whichever you prefer. The most important thing I can say to you, is it's not you. Never has been. There is something fundamentally wrong with those people. They're covering for their own insecurities. Those folks hate themselves so much that they take it out on kids like us, so they don't have to look at their own ugly. I know this doesn't stop the pain or the daily ridicule and abuse, but someday down the road, you will be a man who has the power to stop this for someone else. Someday you will be able to look back and say, "you didn't break me. I've never been broken and it's alway been you."

    If you need to talk to someone who gets it...just email me or message me on fb. michelerakes at gmail dot com.

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  28. Thank you so much Mikey! I hope you are right and that I'm able to help someone when I'm older. Though I was broken, just not by school bullies,my family did that to me. I am healing now and I feel much more happy and healthy now. (Well healthy in the mind, because I have been fighting sickness for months.) Thank you for your support and though I'm not allowed to PM on FB, I would love to talk to you sometime if you happen to be on any of the my friend's friend list. There is a post on why i can't friend anyone on Cody's wall. I will copy the link and put it her so you will understand better. https://www.facebook.com/cody.kennedy.942/posts/526649620803533
    Thanks again!
    Timmy <3

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    1. HAHA! Not sure why it spaced out those words....I didn't do it. :P

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  29. What a world, eh? If you need a hug, I'm here.

    I would have done almost anything to be able to skip school. Take heart! It doesn't last forever, and things do get better.

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    1. Thanks, It is getting better. I still don't have many friends at school, but people don't actively try to bully me now.
      <3 Timmy

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  30. Timmy,

    First off, may I say how humbled I am to make your acquaintance? Having said that, I am so happy that you were adopted by an understanding family. One who loves you, unconditionally, as a family should. I started out as the youngest of 2 and over the years I wound up as the youngest of 14. Mine was that family, you know the one where all the "broken" kids ran to. I'm not saying that my childhood was perfect, by any stretch, but every time I started feeling "poor me" I got a new brother or sister who had had it much worse than me. So I am sending much love and many prayers of peace to you and a huge, loving hug to your new family. Please don't let your lack of vocalization keep you silent.

    You are loved. You are wanted. You are valued. You are needed. Never let yourself forget any of those things.

    Stay strong!
    Kathy

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    1. Kathy, it's so awesome that your family helped others. We all need a safe place, and we depend on families that can help to help.
      <3 Timmy

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  31. I thank you for the reminder to keep on talking to my son about who he is hanging around with and about the language he and his friends use. I think it is easy to slide into bad habits, forgetting that it is human beings who are actually hurting. What a poignant story, I felt as if I was on the bus with you. You have a way with words and with sending impactful messages.

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  32. <3 Mia <3 I'm sure with a mother like you, your son is awesome. Thank you for taking the time to talk to him though. It's important for everyone not just the active bullies, but also though just watching.
    <3 Timmy

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  33. Timmy, I applaud your strength. My daughter Gabby was bullied severely and she reached a point where she contemplated taking her life. NO one has the right to make you feel insignificant. I view being different as beautiful. Those who are different have so much to give. You all share a uniqueness unlike many others. My gabby struggled with her bully who made fun of her hair because she like to dye it different colors, and she dressed different. I always told her she was stronger than the others because she had the courage to be herself. I was her voice and I stood up for her. I fought long and hard for her. Your light and hers are shining examples of what real strength and courage is. You are a very talented young man. Never be afraid to be you , Hang on to our uniqueness and your inner light it will guide you to many wonderful things. You have many friends here who will stand up and fight with you ! Keep the faith kiddo!

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    1. Thank you so much. Your kind words mean a lot to me. I had a rough start to life both home and at school. But I'm doing better now! In high school and having fun (mostly). I'm working hard to be the person I want to be and not the one I used to be.
      <3 Timmy

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  34. Hi Timmy, I just wanted to say how proud I am of you. You are a strong young man with beautiful literary gift that continues to touch our hearts. You are doing wonderful things and speaking for those to afraid to speak.
    Excellent story Timmy, I'm im tears.

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    1. Thank you so much Michael! I'm sorry it's taken me over a year to answer this but somehow it slipped past me! OMG! I do hope you one day check back and see that your words mean so much to me. Thank you
      <3 Timmy

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